Bio

Me on a digger I was born in 1966. My father was a truck driver. My Mother was barmaid. They separated when I was seven. I grew up on the Butts Farm estate, which was even more of a shit-hole then than it is now. I lived with my mother and step-father, who was a labourer. I went to Crane School on the estate and in my spare time I was a pyromaniac. My friends and I started a lot of fires. We also used to throw clumps of barbed wire onto the A316 in the hope of bursting the tires of the passing cars. I think I may have been expelled from the cubs. My memory of this is blurred.

When I was about 10 my mother decided I would be better off elsewhere and she sent me to a stage school in London.

It was the late seventies. I was there for four years and did twelve jobs in that time. I met the best friend of my life at the school. I knew him for about twenty years. He was my blood brother. Later in life we would both go crazy. I haven't spoken to him for about eleven or twelve years. I may never speak to him again.

I was expelled from stage school in 1981 when I was 14. I went to Whitton Secondary for 18 months - a long nightmare which I have blotted out from my consciousness.

I left Whitton with 2 C.S.E.'s and 2 'U' (Un-graded) 'O' levels in English Language and English Literature. After that I went to the tertiary college in Twickenham. I enjoyed this a lot, but I was a bad student. I re-took my 'O' levels and did two 'A' levels over three years. I moved to Twickenham to live with my Mother and my new step-father. I cried for about two weeks.

I had already started writing in earnest. My first story was called 'Roderick Jones.' It was about a very fat young man. I had started to write a novel as well. It was called 'James Pacific' (or 'Parabellum'). It was a Sci-Fi novel. I did about 100,000 words I suppose - but it was all over the place. I kept writing stories and things I used to call 'revisions.' These revisions were really sporadic records of my life and state of mind at any given time. I did not have the discipline to keep a diary. I used to record my dreams as well. I could not stop writing. I had to keep a note pad by my bed at night.

There were some good teachers at the tertiary college - Bill Bowers, Natasha Stanic and Hugh Epstein in particular. It was a good time for me. I read T. S. Eliot, Shakespeare, Joyce, Orwell, Euripides, Sophocles, Aeschylus, Plato.

I messed up my English exam and couldn't get into university so I went to work in a London library. I hated it, but I found a copy of Tropic of Cancer on the shelves and I set about reading everything that Henry Miller wrote.

London and the library seemed like low-grade versions of Hell and reading Miller convinced me that I was probably fucked and there was nothing I could do about it.

My father died and I left the library to go backpacking. In September 1987 I got into university to study Classics. I was expelled after about six months but I hung around the campus because I had made a lot of friends. We smoked dope and dabbled with mushrooms and acid. It was an exciting time. I had a number of jobs and ended up - in '88 - working as a book salesman. I took my company car to Glastonbury in '89 and lived in it with a friend for five days.

I had been feeling bad for a long time. I considered myself a failure (and still do). The scale of my failure seemed monumental and I lived with it every day. I still do - but for some reason I can take it now.

I couldn't back then - and I slipped into madness between July and September of '89. I was out of it for about a year. I suppose it relieved the boredom. I avoided being sectioned.

Recovery was a gradual process. I gave up smoking and gave up drinking. I was on the dole for about three years, although I had about seven or eight jobs during that time.

I spent my days wandering around. Sitting in Libraries or walking around parks. I never had any money.

In '93 I got a job working for the council. I hated it at first - mainly because it interfered with my writing. (I had been writing a novel about my breakdown). I started to drink quite heavily.

I studied in the evening and after a couple of years I got back into university, the same one I was expelled from in '88. This time I did English. I started smoking again. I graduated in '98 and eventually got my old job back.

In 2000 I went back to Glastonbury as Crew. I've worked for Oxfam down there for the last few years. It's a big part of my life now.

I have had about forty-five jobs. After a stint in 'systems development' I currently edit web pages for a living using idiot-proof technology.